How to Get Better at Accepting Criticism

You likely know that embracing constructive feedback is important, but it may still feel nearly impossible. That’s because criticism puts us (all humans) on high alert, raising our defenses as we quickly look for ways to protect ourselves.

There are both biological and social reasons we tend to react this way. But you can use strategies to better navigate these situations. Here’s how to accept criticism in a way that allows you to grow and preserve your relationship with the person dishing it out.

“From a neuroscience perspective, criticism can activate the brain’s threat response system, particularly the amygdala, which processes fear and anxiety,” says Sharon Batista, MD, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City.

That’s because criticism can provoke or confirm a negative view of oneself, prompting feelings of shame, insecurity, or inadequacy, adds Dr. Batista. This is especially true for those with a history of harsh criticism or low self-worth. “[It] can trigger a fight, flight, or freeze reaction, making criticism feel emotionally painful,” she adds.

Your early experiences, personality traits, and mindset all affect your receptivity to criticism, says Batista.

“Supportive environments and constructive feedback in childhood foster resilience, while histories of harsh criticism can increase sensitivity,” says Batista. “Personality factors such as openness and emotional stability are linked to greater receptivity, while high neuroticism can heighten sensitivity.”

“Some people seem to absorb feedback with curiosity and grace, while others react instantly with defensiveness or hurt,” says Michael G. Wetter, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and diplomate of the American Board of Professional Psychology in Los Angeles. “Emotional regulation skills, self-esteem, attachment style, and even cultural background all can influence this response.”

If you struggle with accepting criticism, there are certain tools that can help you navigate negative feedback and grow from it. Here are expert-backed techniques for handling criticism and moving forward.

1 Pause Before Responding

You don’t need to answer the criticism right away. “A brief pause allows the stress response to settle and engages the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking,” says Dr. Wetter. “Without it, we’re more likely to react emotionally rather than respond thoughtfully.” Take a slow breath, count to three, and say, “Let me think about that for a moment.”

2. Try a Disarming Technique

Disarming means to find truth in what another person is saying, even if you strongly disagree with most of it, says Batista. People argue less when they feel heard and validated — it builds trust by showing humility and openness. Do this by acknowledging what might be right about the criticism, even if you disagree with most of it. “This immediately reduces defensiveness and shows respect for the other person’s perspective,” says Batista.

3. Show Empathy

Acknowledge and validate the other person’s feelings and point of view. This does not mean agreeing at a surface level if you don’t feel it genuinely — but rather trying to understand where they may be coming from or what they may be feeling. “In order to have a good working relationship, we have to swallow a bit of our own ego,” says Batista. “By finding the kernel of truth, you create space for collaboration instead of conflict.”

4. Separate the Message From Delivery

Tone, facial expression, and word choice can make criticism sting more, even if it’s helpful. “Feedback that’s delivered poorly can still contain useful information,” says Wetter. “Distinguishing what is being said from how it’s being said helps you access that value.” Ask yourself: If this were said to me kindly, what would I take away from it?

5. Ask Questions to Learn More

Reflect on what you’re hearing and be interested in understanding what the critical person is saying. “Ask gentle, open-ended questions to better understand the criticism and the other person’s experience,” says Batista. This will help you use constructive criticism for growth.

6. Affirm the Value of the Relationship

Even in the midst of disagreement, saying something like, “I think the world of you — I appreciate your honesty and that you care enough to bring this up” can shift the focus from defensiveness to understanding and growth, says Batista.

7. Practice Self-Compassion With Yourself

“People with higher self-compassion are less likely to interpret criticism as a confirmation of their flaws,” says Wetter. “Instead, they view it as part of the universal human experience of learning and imperfection.” Practice talking to yourself like a supportive friend, telling yourself that the criticism doesn’t mean you’re a failure, but rather that there is an opportunity to improve.

• Criticism triggers both neurological and psychological responses, activating the brain’s threat response system and challenging how you see yourself.
• Childhood experiences, personality traits, and mindset all impact how you respond to negative feedback.
• Showing empathy, pausing, and practicing self-compassion can help you constructively respond to criticism.