We Tried OurRelationship as Parents of Four Young Kids — Here’s How It Went

We’ve each explored individual therapy in the past, but this fall we decided to try something that could help us focus on maintaining and building our relationship. While traditional marriage therapy certainly has its merits, the logistics of our already-packed schedules and childcare needs made the prospect of traditional therapy seem daunting. Enter OurRelationship.

Everything about OurRelationship sounded great — so great that my husband was actually excited when I told him I thought we should give it a try. But would we see the relationship benefits of the work we were putting in? Here’s how our experience with OurRelationship went.

Signing up for OurRelationship was simple. The landing page offers basic information about how the program works and explains that there are different programs for heterosexual couples, LGBTQ+ couples, and military couples. It invites users to click on the program that describes their relationship. OurRelationship also offers a program for individuals whose partner won’t be participating with them, but since my husband and I were planning to do the program together, I chose the program for heterosexual couples.

After clicking on “heterosexual couple,” I was taken to a more specific page about what to expect from the program and was invited to sign up.

To sign up, I chose between the three different program models (self-guided, coach orientation, and guided by a coach) and added the one I wanted to my cart. We didn’t want to jump in without any guidance, so we opted for the coached program. After that, I entered my billing and contact information and made the purchase. I then took a short survey about my relationship, my goals, and the strengths and challenges I hoped to build on or address. Next, I answered a few questions to confirm that neither I nor my husband were experiencing an ongoing mental health crisis and that I felt safe in my relationship. Then, I entered my husband’s contact information so OurRelationship could invite him to participate in the program.

As a final step, I scheduled my first call with our relationship coach — I was impressed that there were coaches with evening and weekend availability — and finding a time that felt compatible with our schedules was easy. Signing up took about 10 minutes and was a simple process.

My husband and I were able to schedule our first call within about a week of signing up. While there were sooner calls available, we were looking for hours that lined up perfectly with our older kids’ school hours and our younger kids’ nap times.

Coaching calls with OurRelationship take place on Zoom, which was helpful because it made it possible for my husband and me to join from different locations when necessary. After signing on, our coach introduced herself and gave a broad overview of the program. She shared that her role was that of a coach — not a therapist — and that she would guide us during our coaching calls and be our go-to person should we have any questions as we navigated the program or the platform. She explained that our coaching calls (which would take place at the same time each week) could serve as a time to check in, but that we would be responsible for completing the activities between sessions independently.

There are several key differences between coaches and therapists. Therapists have degrees, credentials, work experience, and licensure that allow them to offer therapeutic guidance and advice. But anyone can call themselves a coach, since there are no set requirements for training or certification. The FAQ section of the OurRelationship homepage features a question that asks if their coaches are certified, with a response that simply states, “All of our coaches are extensively trained in helping you get the most out of the OurRelationship program.”

Our coach told us a little bit about herself and asked us some questions. While it was clear she wanted to get to know us and have a basic understanding of our history together and how we were doing as a couple, she did not dig deep into any particular questions and kept the questions pretty surface-level. Coaching calls are only 20 minutes, a very noticeable difference from traditional couples counseling sessions that tend to range from 50 to 90 minutes.

Our coach’s demeanor was polite, professional, and warm, but she did not use our time to build a rapport like a couples therapist would and stood firmly in the “coach” role, which was expected.

Before signing off, our coach talked us through the activity we would each be completing individually over the next week before we met with her again. She confirmed that we understood our assignments and reminded us to hold off on talking about the assignments with one another until we came back together during our next coaching session, since talking about what we noted as we completed the activity would be part of the next week’s assignment.

After our first coaching session, my husband and I got into a good flow of completing our individual assignments throughout the week and then checking in with our coach during the subsequent 20-minute calls. Each coaching call followed a similar flow; she asked us some guiding questions about the assignments we completed, helped us take note of any overlap in things we shared, and assisted us in coming up with a goal for the next week. She then went over the upcoming week’s assignment.

I really appreciated that our coach was clearly following the path laid out by the program and was intentional about using our 20 minutes to the fullest. The flow of each call was similar, so I always knew what to expect, and the fact that we had a call on a set day, at a set time, helped keep us accountable for completing our assignments. We liked the assignments, but sometimes life can get busy, and I’m guessing we would have struggled to make the time some weeks if we didn’t both know we had a call with our coach to prepare for.

The OurRelationship program platform was simple to use, and navigating through each week’s assignments and videos was intuitive. The information and assignments were interesting, though I did set some videos to play at 1.5 speed, since I have a hard time sitting still at times. Using OurRelationship as only a self-guided program may have been feasible for us, but we found that the coaching calls served an important purpose. Before I got started, I wondered if the coaching calls would feel like an extra or unnecessary part of the program, since there is a self-guided option, but they truly felt like an integrated and important piece of the work, and I found myself looking forward to seeing our coach and talking about what we would be doing next week.

The program includes eight 10-minute activities per week that can be completed from home at any time. The program is structured into four phases: Observe, Understand, Respond, and Strengthen. Each phase includes an introductory video that explains the core relationship concept and several assignments that help each individual in the couple learn how to be a better partner. During the Observe phase, the introductory video explains the importance of recognizing the strengths in a relationship and the areas in which there are opportunities for growth. The primary assignment for this phase is a multiple-choice quiz that asks participants about the highs and lows in their relationship, how they’re feeling overall in the relationship, and which issues they want to focus on. This quiz results note the issues that are most important to the person completing it, and after both people in the couple complete the quiz, a backend algorithm compiles the results to help determine which relationship issues are most important to both people. These issues are what the couple will focus on improving by using the strategies they learn later in the program.

The next phase of the program, Understand, starts with a video and information explaining how natural differences and external stress contribute to the core issues the couple will focus on. The videos are short and entertaining, and clicking through short clips with informational slides interspersed between them makes this part feel interesting and somewhat interactive. Quiz-style questions ask participants to think about how they naturally manage stress and how they respond to external stress. This phase also focuses on how our emotions and patterns of communication can exacerbate small issues, and the reflection questions encourage participants to consider how this plays out in their relationship.

In the third phase of the program, Respond, information and videos highlight how small but meaningful changes made by each individual can have a significant impact on relationship harmony. This section was encouraging and made my husband and me both feel like we could make our relationship stronger just by implementing some meaningful shifts in how we communicate. For me, that meant not making assumptions about how he was feeling, and for him that meant being a little more proactive about offering help rather than waiting for me to ask.

During the final phase, Strengthen, participants are encouraged to reevaluate the changes they’ve both made and work on a new core issue. Much of this content is optional, but it was helpful to have, as my husband and I considered what other issues we might like to focus our attention on.

Overall, I felt like the videos and informational slides did a great job of breaking down big concepts in ways that made them easy to apply in my life. The reflection questions and quizzes offered prompts that were useful for helping me put words to some of my frustrations and for finding ways to thank my husband for the ways that he’s great that I often find hard to describe. The weekly assignments never took longer than I expected to complete, and my husband and I were both able to easily fit completing them into our daily lives. For me, that was often as I was eating lunch or my bedtime snack, and for him it was usually during a lull in the workday.

Because you purchase OurRelationship as a complete program, there are no ongoing fees or charges for each coaching session. During our first session, our coach discussed the policy around rescheduling or missing sessions, which was also available on the platform if I needed to reference it for any reason. The policy is pretty straightforward and similar to other programs or companies that offer scheduled services or calls: If you need to cancel or reschedule, you should do so at least 24 hours before a session’s scheduled start time.

Missing sessions is frowned upon, and missing three sessions without the appropriate notice will result in removal from the coached program. While you don’t get a refund if you’re removed from the coached program, you do retain access to the self-guided program, which is likely a better fit if you’re unable to keep your scheduled coaching calls.

My husband and I didn’t need to miss or reschedule any sessions, but if we had, I would have been able to do so easily, since there is a “your next scheduled meeting” tab within the platform that tells you when your next session is and has a button to click should you need to cancel or reschedule it.

I was late to one meeting, thankfully by only four minutes, since both parties need to be on the call within five minutes of the start time or the session cannot move forward. My coach did offer this reminder when I signed on a little bit late, and I made a mental note to set my alarm for a few minutes earlier the following week. While this five-minute policy might seem harsh, coaching calls are only 20 minutes in total and always end at their scheduled time, so it makes sense that missing a quarter of the total time would result in cancellation.

We didn’t feel the need to switch coaches, but it would have been easy if my husband and I had not clicked with her. The program is structured so that you meet with the same coach each week, which is helpful for continuity, and switching requires reaching out to customer service. Each coach is trained to facilitate the program in the same way, and because they are following a set model that is not based on their personality or personal values, I can’t imagine many scenarios in which a couple would feel the need to switch coaches, unless their schedule changed and their original coach was not available when they were.

OurRelationship makes it very clear on its website that it is not online marriage or couples therapy. Likewise, during the first coaching call, our coach reiterated that she is not a marriage therapist. Because couples signing up for OurRelationship may have many of the same challenges or goals as couples signing up for online marriage therapy, it may be helpful to look at how the program compares to other online programs or companies that aim to help couples work on their relationship.

The primary difference between OurRelationship and other online marriage therapy programs is that the program is designed to mostly be completed independently, with short coaching calls scheduled to help keep couples on track, rather than the bulk of the work being done during longer therapy sessions that may include some between-session work assigned by a therapist. And while the coaches with OurRelationship are highly trained, they are not mental health professionals and do not seek to counsel couples during coaching calls. Their role is strictly that of a coach, so they don’t dive into side issues or offer therapeutic guidance.

When it comes to cost, OurRelationship is much more affordable than online couples therapy through companies like Talkspace, Growing Self, Regain, and Couples Therapy Inc. At $99 to $249 (depending on which program format a couple chooses), OurRelationship costs much less than the $436 per month couples therapy costs with Talkspace. It’s also a one-time charge, which may be attractive to those who don’t want to manage recurring expenses or pay for couples therapy weekly or monthly. Once you pay for OurRelationship, you have access to the whole program and won’t need to pay any extras.

Couples can’t pay for OurRelationship through their insurance, though they can spend their FSA or HSA funds, and some couples might be eligible for free access to the program. Most online couples therapy companies do take FSA and HSA funds, and many, including Talkspace and Growing Self, do take insurance. While insurance eligibility is not the deciding factor for many couples, those who do need to rely fully on insurance coverage may want to choose a couples therapy company that accepts their insurance.

OurRelationship is also a time-limited program, meaning that it is not open-ended — it’s designed to be started and then finished. Couples therapy is typically not time limited, and couples may find themselves attending just a few sessions or many of them over months or years.

Overall, I really enjoyed my experience with OurRelationship. It was easy to sign up for, the platform was simple and intuitive to use, and the weekly assignments were interesting. I’m glad we chose the coached program. This version truly seemed to offer the best of both worlds: The program’s activities are still asynchronous, but coach-facilitated check-ins throughout offer guidance and accountability that helped us make the most of our work. I felt comfortable with the amount of time I was dedicating to the program each week (one to two hours, including coaching calls), and none of the assignments felt like wasted time.

Having the weekly coaching calls kept my husband and me accountable for completing our assignments and on track with the program, and I felt a sense of accomplishment each week after signing in to our calls. I also felt like I knew what I should be doing the next week by the time I signed out of each call.

Our coach was professional, and while the calls were short, the 20 minutes were packed with good information and program guidance, and I never felt bored or like the calls were an “extra” part of the program. Each call felt worthwhile and well integrated with the rest of the work my husband and I were doing, and we both generally enjoyed them.

I won’t complete this program again; unlike marriage therapy, it is not ongoing, though I might revisit some of the assignments in the future or reflect upon them as my husband and I navigate new challenges or set new goals.

Finally, this program is not a fit for couples who are experiencing a mental health crisis, since coaches are not therapists. If there are any safety concerns within the relationship, couples should seek a different service.

OurRelationship was a great fit for me and my husband. We both liked participating in a program that we could mostly do on our own time, but which offered a weekly check-in structure. Having a deadline for completing the activities (our coaching calls) kept us on track in a way that only using the self-guided program would not have. Because the program had a start date and an end date, I didn’t worry about the possibility of having to reserve time on my calendar for therapy each week for the foreseeable future, which would have felt overwhelming. The program is highly structured, which is different from most couples therapy, and that made it simple to stay focused on the issues we decided were most important.

My husband and I both liked that the program was time limited and that we had specific goals and a clear idea of which issues were most important to us. We both learned a lot about ourselves, how we could best show up for one another, and how we could stay strong as a couple. We also both got better about handling little disagreements as they arose and about talking to one another about how these small disagreements might play into the issues we were really focused on.

I liked taking the time to reflect on why certain little things mattered, or didn’t, to each of us, and both the program’s activities and our coaching calls helped spark a lot of good discussions between my husband and me. As a result of the program, I committed to communicating more openly about what I want and need from my husband, and he got better about looking for ways to support me, rather than waiting to be told what I want or need. As we navigate the ever-present stressors and challenges of married life, I’m confident that participating in this program gave us each some new tools and strategies to help keep our marriage strong. Here’s to many more years of happy marriage!

We take evaluating online therapy services seriously. Evaluators for Everyday Health have tested over 65 online therapy companies in order to find the best ones for every individual, couple, or family. In order to bring you the most accurate information, so that you can confidently decide which company best fits your needs, we evaluate each company the same way. We do reporting to vet the company and its business practices, and we have interviewed a dozen licensed therapists and surveyed real online therapy users. We also make sure to get a taste of the experience by testing each service with a professional journalist.

While testing this service, I collected data about:

• The sign-up process
• The intake experience
• The qualifications of the coaches
• The platform experience and video chat host
• The ease of use of the tech components of the program
• The payment and customer service aspects of the service

As a tester, I took notes during every step of the process and evaluated each one as a stand-alone component of the program. I also compared OurRelationship to other experiences I’ve had with testing or participating in online therapy, and I did research to cross-reference what was offered by OurRelationship in comparison with other online therapy companies and best practices as recommended by experts in the field. As a journalist, I have more than 10 years of experience collecting data about online services and sharing what I’ve learned with readers. And as a mom of four young kids, I have a wealth of experience navigating healthcare and mental health care services, which gives me a unique perspective when evaluating online therapy companies.