I’ve had to change plans, delay plans, cancel plans, or endure the disappointment of planning for things that don’t come to fruition so often that I’d sort of forgotten the joy in planning for a definite event — even one I’d rather not have to plan for.
As a result of an ongoing UTI that would reemerge whenever I’d finished a course of antibiotics, I was diagnosed with an uncommon — and unrelated to multiple sclerosis (MS) — fistula (or abnormal connection) between my colon and bladder just before Christmas last winter.
Between our country effectively closing shop for two weeks over the holidays, then vetting surgeons and hospitals I would trust to perform the tricky operations to correct it, I finally had a surgery date of early April … and then the COVID-19 pandemic took hold.
All nonemergency procedures were canceled as hospitals around Ireland and the world prepared to handle large numbers of people with the contagious respiratory illness.
After Numerous Delays, Certainty at Last
After months of progressing symptoms and not knowing when the condition might slip into the “emergency” category, we were finally given a new date. We donned our PPE (personal protective equipment) and went through a second round of preoperative assessment — and I am now in hospital recovering.
What I guess I was a little surprised about, as we prepared for the procedure, was the comfort in certainty, even about an uncomfortable event.
It was partly because responses to the pandemic have left many of us feeling out of control of many aspects of our lives. It was partly because breakthrough infections were letting me and my doctors know that we were getting closer to admission via the Accident and Emergency department rather than via the surgical ward. And partly because I’ve so often had to plan contingencies for the contingencies I’d planned while planning a plan.
There were many parts that led to this sense of comfort, but it had to be that last one that to me, as a person with MS, was most profound.
For Once, MS Couldn’t Change the Plan
We all know the feeling of saying yes to an event and then wondering if the disease will allow us to keep our word. Many will commiserate with getting halfway to or halfway through something and feeling more wrung out than the towel we must throw in.
I am not alone in the feeling that I may let someone (or myself) down by taking on too much, even if it’s only a fraction of what I would have been able to undertake pre-MS, or on a day when multiple sclerosis stays on its lead.
To have a list of what needed to be done, on what days — and sometimes at what time on those days — was a relief. I’m not saying that completing those tasks in the run-up to admission wasn’t taxing. In fact, there were a few things I had to either request help to complete or scratch from the list altogether.
But there was a hard date (even if it slipped by a week in the final stretch), and no matter what MS decided to do when Monday morning arrived, the plan was going to happen.
A Simple Joy Worth Appreciating
There are many simple joys that people who don’t have MS or another chronic condition may not fully appreciate. I’ve found over these past few weeks, as the impending surgery loomed, that one of those joys is being able to count on following through on a plan.
Now I’ll just lie back and focus on recovering.
Wishing you and your family the best of health.
Cheers,
Trevis
