I used to say, of commuting to work in restaurants, that a 20-minute drive was optimal.
First, the drive time was enough to prepare myself for the day and then to wind down after a shift, so that I was switched on and switched off as appropriate.
Second, it kept me far enough away from the “office” that I wouldn’t pop in or run to fix a situation every time something went wrong.
I’ve commuted far further than 20 minutes to a job, and I’ve also had commutes that I could walk in less than that time.
These past few weeks (and a few more to go), my wife, Caryn, has been taking a course in Dublin every Tuesday. It’s a long day, with a 7:05 a.m. train departing from the station about an hour from our house, and a return to Kerry at about 9 p.m. Tack on another hour for the drive home, and that’s a damn long day!
A Weekly Drive Reveals My Smaller World
I’ve been driving her up to and collecting her from the train station so as to both spend a bit more time with her and spare her having to drive an hour after said damn long day.
In doing so, I’ve come to realize that my circle of regular travel has really shrunk over the past couple of decades of living with multiple sclerosis (MS).
I mean, I know my 250,000+ flight miles the year before my MS diagnosis were extreme. But even a weekly hour up-and-back in the morning and evening has stretched me more than I would have expected. I also realized that, even with Caryn doing most of the driving, I don’t get off our peninsula very often anymore.
My everyday world has gotten smaller.
How Our Social Circles Contract
And it’s not just the commuting or driving that’s diminished.
I interact with fewer people every day. We forget how social workplaces can be until we’ve been forced to leave them. I have tried to stretch myself by getting into the shops most days (“for the messages” is how it’s referred to here), but we all know that MS has its way with such ideas as well.
I suppose we all notice that the ripples in our personal ponds don’t go as far. That also means that we get fewer reciprocal waves coming back to us, too.
We can’t always do the things we did, the way we did, nor pay for them the way we once did. This leads to some “friends” dropping out of our circles (dropping out, stepping away, or, if required, being pruned as “deadwood friends”).
A Few Ways to Expand Those Circles
Many of us have expanded our circles in different directions post-diagnosis. We’ve begun to volunteer, we get involved in MS research, we join self-help groups, or we find online communities, all of which can fill in some of the time and attention that shrinking circles can create.
The important part, I suppose, isn’t the size of our ever-contracting circles. It’s to make sure that those hoops of experience are as full as they can be, given our ever-changing circumstances.
My life with MS has become an intimate dinner party rather than an elaborate banquet. And most days, that suits me just fine. Most days; but some days I miss the big party …
Wishing you and your family the best of health.
Cheers,
Trevis
