Back in the mid-1990s, the MADtv program, inspired by Mad magazine, began airing in the United States. There were many recurring sketches on this comedy series, but “Lowered Expectations” was one I found particularly funny. It was in that “laughing at others is really laughing at part of yourself” genre of particularly funny.
In 2021, I know that I’ve been living a life of lowered expectations for a while now. They're not the sort poked fun at by the fictitious dating service sketch, which still makes me snicker. Rather, my lowered expectations concern my own abilities, as my multiple sclerosis (MS) has progressed. I think it’s fair to say that I’ve been setting the bar lower and lower for a good while now.
It’s not a wholly bad thing, lowering my own expectations. It’s easier to jump the lowered hurdles. It’s also an impressive feat when much of the world doesn’t see someone with MS as belonging on the track at all. Setting achievable goals has always been the key to success. Why would I keep trying to fly a kite in a gale when I know my string is frayed?
Let Those of Us With Disabilities Define Our Own Limits
I have no problem living within my reduced abilities (all right, I’ll admit, I’m sometimes slightly bothered by them). What’s really the raspberry in my wisdom tooth is when others set those limitations for me, or eliminate the options on my behalf.
Who among us hasn’t felt the sting of a titter at our intentions? Who hasn’t been hurt or angered by an out-of-hand dismissal of even the thought that we would like to participate, let alone our expectation that we might succeed? Haven’t we sometimes wanted to pummel someone when they assert that ours is a life worth less (if not worthless)?
Surely it is acceptable for me to say that I cannot do something, but it's within no one’s rights to say there are things that I can’t. We define our own limits; that is neither anyone else’s privilege nor their purview.
Most people cannot fathom the stack of reasoning we weigh as we decide which tasks are worth our efforts, at which we might succeed (and how we define success), and which are best left unattempted, at least for the time being. The longer I live with multiple sclerosis — and the longer I write about living with MS — the more I’ve come to realize that those decisions are, at least implicitly, being wrested from our grasp.
We Still Deserve the Pursuit of Our Own Happiness
As a grizzled figure in the fight against MS, I am often asked what I wish I’d known or what advice I’d pass on to the newly diagnosed. It’s a difficult question to answer, because some mightn’t be ready to take on board some of the things I have struggled to accept in my own life with the disease.
All I can really say is, these are my truths:
MS has taken more options from me than I was ever willing to concede. That’s just a fact of living with the disease for the past two decades. That I would be willing to let any one person — or any sector of society — remove or limit my remaining options is ludicrous and simply not acceptable.
We will do what we find fulfilling, the things at which we still feel qualified. We will do them at the pace we are able, and for reasons we deem to be compelling. We were guaranteed a pursuit of happiness. We mayn’t always achieve that contentment, but these are our pursuits, our goals, and our failures. And they will all add to the whole of society.
Now get out of our way. We’ve got things to do.
Wishing you and your family the best of health.
Cheers,
Trevis
