The Missing Piece of a Cancer Diagnosis: Our Mental Health

I remember the day I was diagnosed like it was yesterday. It was around 8 o’clock in the morning. I had been hurrying to get my 8-year-old son to his school bus on time while his 3-year-old sister sat near me and played with her dolls. I was in the bathroom getting ready for the day — brushing my teeth, washing my face — when I got the phone call from the surgical oncologist who had performed the biopsy. I will never forget the smell of the soap I rinsed off my hands as I listened to the most ludicrous thing I’d ever heard.
Cancer? Me? The girl who was “too young”? The girl who was killing it in the gym, taking control of her nutrition, and consistently seeing a therapist to care for her mental health?
How could cancer be happening to me?
What the Doctors Missed
I had no clue at that moment that the mental side of cancer was going to be the hardest part for me. My doctors didn’t seem very clued in about the potential effects of cancer on my mental health, either. In fact, other than the simple “mental health checklist” I was asked to fill out in the waiting room before appointments, they seemed to completely miss its importance.
They missed it when they gave me the “chemo talk.” They missed it at the radiation meeting. They even missed it during the fast-paced whirlwind of a meeting about my fertility.
And it’s not just the doctors. It’s even missing in the made-for-TV movies about cancer in which the patient loses their hair and then is suddenly frolicking joyfully through open fields or is dying in the next scene.
Why wasn’t there a mental health professional standing with my oncologist to walk me through the heaviness I felt in my soul?
Why wasn’t there a therapist in the room when I was told I had three days to decide if I ever wanted to have children again?
Why wasn’t there a psychiatrist sitting beside me when I was told I had to remove the implants I had gotten just four months earlier, because the implants may cause another kind of cancer?
What about when I had both my breasts removed? Or when I had to figure out how to deal with all these things while caring for two young children and a marriage that was hanging on by a thread?
Somehow, the onslaught of doctors marching in and out of my life who were trying their best to save my life had all failed to call on a doctor who, in my opinion, was just as important as my oncologist: a mental health professional.
I’m sure many of you in the breast cancer community aren’t surprised by these facts. I know I’m not!
How to Protect Your Mental Health Through Cancer and Beyond
So, how can we survive mentally more intentionally?
Here are some things that have helped me.
- My Cancer Community Lean on your community. Some of the best and most incredible people I have met and know are from this beautiful community. There are resources, financial assistance, support groups, adventures and getaways, and even a weekend camp designed with us in mind. Reach out to amazing organizations like The Breasties, For the Breast of Us, Keep A Breast, or Thriving Beyond Breast Cancer.
- An Amazing Therapist Your therapist can be your secret weapon. My therapist (God bless him!) has given me so many tools to help me cope. If you are finding it hard to get a therapist in-network, Scatter Joy Project is a great place to start for free mental health resources. It’s crucial to find a therapist who meets your needs; don’t be afraid to interview each one to find the one that best suits you.
- Grace Give yourself grace. Give yourself the same grace you offer to those you love and respect. A cancer diagnosis is a huge life-changing event that doesn’t come with a comprehensive “how to” guide. You are doing your best and you should be proud! Healing takes time, and mental healing is not something that can be gauged by looking at physical scars or wound checkups.
We have been through so much. Take the time today to look after your mental health, my friend. You’re so worth it. There’s a safe space here for you.
Love you. Mean it. ♥️
Important: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not Everyday Health.

Ryland J. Gore, MD, MPH
Medical Reviewer
In addition to her professional responsibilities, Gore previously served on the board of directors for Every Woman Works, an Atlanta-based nonprofit organization whose mission is to empower women and help them transition into independence and stability from common setbacks. Gore served as the chairwoman of the American Cancer Society’s Making Strides Against Breast Cancer campaign in Atlanta for three years (2019 to 2021). She is currently the co-director of Nth Dimensions’ Strategic Mentoring Program and the alumni board chair of the Summer Health Professions Educational Program (SHPEP), which is a collaborative effort by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, Association of American Medical Colleges, and the American Dental Education Association.
Gore is a highly sought after speaker, consultant, and lecturer on breast cancer and breast health, as well as women’s empowerment topics.

Asha Miller
Author
Despite enduring 12 surgeries, she remains resolute in her pursuit of mental, physical, and spiritual healing.
Asha's experience includes a double mastectomy, reconstructive surgeries, and overcoming the challenges of implant recalls. Through her unwavering dedication to her family, social justice activism, and commitment to health and fitness, Asha has become a renowned advocate for self-advocacy, particularly for BIPOC women navigating the healthcare system.
- Carreira H et al. Associations Between Breast Cancer Survivorship and Adverse Mental Health Outcomes: A Matched Population-Based Cohort Study in the United Kingdom. PLoS Medicine. January 7, 2021.
- Tang W et al. Prevalence and Associated Factors of Psychological Distress Among Patients With Breast Cancer: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. BMJ Open. September 26, 2024.
- Sayre C. Taking Care of Your Mental Health After a Breast Cancer Diagnosis. BreastCancer.org. August 17, 2024.
- Whittaker AL et al. Prevalence of Cognitive Impairment Following Chemotherapy Treatment for Breast Cancer: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Scientific Reports. February 8, 2022.