How to Manage Anaphylaxis Anxiety: Support for Your Child and Yourself

The good news is, you and your child can still live full, happy lives, even with severe allergies. The key is learning ways to manage your own anxiety, help your child feel more secure, and build more confidence in both of you.

Supporting your child starts with supporting yourself — not by setting your fears aside, but by understanding and working through them. Here’s how.

Understand — and Manage — the Anxiety You Have

Anxiety isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s there to protect you. “Anxiety helps you assess risk and take safety precautions,” says Tamara Hubbard, a licensed clinical professional counselor and the author of the forthcoming book May Contain Anxiety: Managing the Overwhelm of Parenting Children With Food Allergies. 

But it’s important not to let it take over your life. “People often avoid activities beyond what’s medically necessary to calm their anxiety,” says Hubbard. “But that can actually make coping harder and reduce your quality of life.” Watch for signs that anxiety is accumulating, such as avoidance of activities, changes in appetite, persistent fears, and sleep difficulties, and seek support if you need it.

Talking to a mental health professional can help you learn coping strategies to better manage anxious thoughts. “Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), especially with a provider experienced in pediatric food allergies, can be highly effective,” says Sara Voorhees, PhD, an attending psychologist in the division of immunology at Boston Children’s Hospital. “Support can help families find a healthy balance between caution and confidence.”

Keep What-Ifs in Check

The constant fear of “What if it happens?” or “What if it happens again?” is common with anaphylaxis anxiety. The key isn’t to ignore it but to manage it thoughtfully.

Hubbard recommends two practical steps:

• Meet with your child’s allergist. Review the allergy management plan for your child, ask for an abbreviated version of the plan to keep on hand for emergencies and quick reviews, and discuss your fears openly. Getting clear, trustworthy information will help build your confidence and give you strategies for situations that worry you.
• Flip worries into action plans. Instead of focusing on whether a reaction will happen again, shift to, “If a reaction happens, then I’ll follow my emergency plan.” Hubbard says, “This encourages you to focus on actions to move forward, rather than remaining stuck, ruminating about your worries.”

Build and Lean On a Support System

Connecting, either online or in person, with other caregivers of children with food allergies can help you feel less alone and offer practical support.

Look for a local group or connect online through the Asthma & Allergy Foundation of America’s Kids With Food Allergies online support community.

Give Yourself Grace

“The goal isn’t to be a ‘perfect’ parent, since that’s not even possible. Rather, it’s to be a present parent — even if that means you’re present with a variety of emotions,” says Hubbard.

Do your best to treat yourself with kindness. “It’s important to offer yourself the same compassion you would extend to another parent in your shoes,” says Dr. Voorhees.

Try it next time you catch yourself being self-critical. Let’s say your child almost eats something that would have caused a reaction, and you start beating yourself up. What would you say to another parent or close friend? You’d most likely offer support and understanding instead.

You need to strike a careful balance between keeping your child safe and allowing them to live fully. Here’s how you can do that.

Talk About It (in an Age-Appropriate Way)

“Many parents avoid talking with their children about anaphylaxis to protect them from anxiety, but avoiding these conversations can actually increase worry,” says Hubbard. Make a point of having these conversations, and use calm, gentle language. For instance, say, “Peanuts can make your body very sick,” instead of “Peanuts can kill you.” Books, role-play, and stories can also help children understand allergies in a way that builds confidence, rather than fear, she says.

Focus on What Your Child Can Do

Rather than stressing to your child what they must avoid, help them build confidence through actions they can take to stay safe.

Practicing allergy safety, such as always carrying epinephrine, communicating clearly, following the emergency plan, and reading ingredient labels, can help your child feel prepared and capable. “These routines allow children and caregivers to engage with the world confidently, rather than avoid it,” says Voorhees.

Teach Your Child to Be the Expert on the Allergy They Have

The more your child knows about managing their allergy, the better. Here are some skills you can teach them, so they feel prepared — not panicked:

• Show them how to respond in situations where the allergen is present. For example, you might practice staying calm near stinging insects.
• Practice how to say, “I’m allergic to ...” in different settings.
• Teach them to notice early signs of a reaction.
• Show them how to use an epinephrine trainer device, so they’re familiar with how it works.

Practice Calming Techniques Together

After a reaction, or simply when fear of a reaction creeps in, your child may feel shaky or on edge. When this happens, “Grounding exercises help shift the body from ‘fight or flight’ to ‘rest and digest,’” says Hubbard.

Try simple techniques, such as the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory method: Identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Ask the allergist or a mental health provider for more age-appropriate strategies if you need them.

• Research shows that parents of children who have severe allergies may struggle with anxiety, and their kids may, too. But support is available.
• Caregivers also need care. Tools such as building support systems, giving yourself compassion, and reframing thoughts can make a big difference.
• Empowering kids builds confidence. Teaching safety skills and calming techniques can help children feel secure and in control.